Meditative · Eyes

Well, still dating, still enjoying free time and then realizing I need to study.

Odds are good that I'm getting a 3.0, but it'd be .5 points higher if I didn't have a math class. I think I'm doing well though. Next semester is all psych and philosophy. I'll be an existential therapist yet. (probably.)

Gradschool is slated for Wales, because I can afford it, Aberystwyth is beautiful, and I can learn a very beautiful language while doing it.

(Also I can go to a college where I don't have a bad reputation based on someone I'm not anymore, hey that's a thought!)

I've got a confidant now, at least someone I can talk to about things that people always talk to me about. I still have some suppressed statements/rage issues, but I walk out all my aggression (my legs are still great) and I just don't think people need to be told the everything all the time.

Call me unethical if you will, but lies, in a way, are truths of their own that protect people from something they can't handle. When I know so? I say so. Thankfully things with my girlfriend are much simpler and I don't need to bother. Things with some friends aren't so simple, and I bother, but he/they'll be fine in the end.

It'd be easier to ignore people if they'd just move away... perhaps I should start a petition for this? People start petitions and rant over every slight and mundane injustice. So someone gets uncomfortable and tells a person in charge, thus getting people removed from an area, this will happen. This is called paranoia, it's human, it's based on ignorance, but don't hate the action, hate the fact that no one has taught this person any better and be proactive in the correction of the problem.

If you don't like someone who is using racial-issue based comedy? Don't listen to Robin Williams, Dave Chapelle, Chris Rock, Dennis Leary, Dennis Miller, Bill Mahr, or any other comedian who picks apart anything related to American pop culture because half of humor is laughing at other people in other groups. See if you can find stand up comedy now. Don't get political and have an online petition.

Now that the ranting is over, I stayed up all night for an assignment, and now am trying to fill time, so I'm filling it by tying up loose thoughts that have been on my mind.

Currently the most impacting thought would be "what pants should I wear tomorrow?"

I have that little on my agenda.

Well also "cuddling would be nice... but we both have class." So really, there's no option to until the weekend. Weekend cuddles are really nice though, except when they're on weird and slightly uncomfortable beds, such as overly soft ones... I definitely have walked home with many a sore spine without mentioning it because I was being nice, but not in months.

Well, time to add another half-hour to my laundry, jeans take a while to dry.

Okay done.

I love having laundry inside my apartment. Not just the building, the room. *grin* And it's free. *bigger grin*

This would be Dylan's 'top-of-the-consciousness-soup' talking. Since I'm saying every surface thought I have other than *itch...* and *tired.*

I think I should burn some bridges... if only to reduce the large number of people I talk to. Generally the people I'm thinking of there are many deep seeded issues with that have been there a while. So if you're reading this? best not to think it's you I'm talking about.

Anyway, time to droll on for the day and stay awake for another 19 hours.

-D

Okay this has been the past month.

I'm not single, her name is Ellen, she's a sweetheart.

I still work for Zaa's, paychecks are dandy.

I'm getting a 3.5 at the moment, and I'm damn proud of that.

Gradschool looks good, and like torture, but my kind of torture. I'm still thinking of Wales.

Some people suck, but that's water over the dam (or dyke, whichever that phrase is...)

I still have trouble finding rest, even when I do sleep... and there are a few things I think I should be talking to a doctor about, all of which involve hereditary illness, and possible options I have to avoid full problems.

Also philosophy degreed individuals in Eurpose work as counselors, my dual-degree Philosophy/Psychology Doctorate plan to be a therapist (as well as a 1 year degree out west to be able to prescribe medication in some extreme cases) is not only a good idea, it fits in worldwide.

Damn I'm good.

That is all,
-The Insomniac.

Work and school make each other hard to do. I may ask for less hours soon.

I'm finding that I've lost most motivation... in general. I'm not sure if I mind though, apathy can be nice in short doses. Pretty soon I'll have to return to the world of feeling again, and won't that be interesting? Much like re-entry into the atmosphere it can get quite heated. We'll see how it goes.

I've been faced with an interesting fact recently, I don't want to go into details and take up space, but it's made me relax a little more, and look a little less closely to my surroundings. I've started to seek things out less, and take things as they come. I still think to much, and worry too much, but no one can instantly change direction without completely upsetting their balance, and I'd like to maintain as much balance as I can.

I guess I have nothing else to say. I've been made angry a lot lately though. I may want to work on that...

-D

P.S. Oh, I've had two dates with a friend's old room mate. They were old fashioned, the first being dinner and a movie, the second being iceskating. No hugging even at the end of the dates, just polite and friendly. I enjoy this so much more than layabout relationships. And we're still just "friends that go on dates" by definition, so I don't feel cramped or uncomfortable, and I don't have to meet any old friends, ex's, or relatives of hers. It's a nice change.

Well, ended up flirting with another girl that is uninterested in me on basis of my gender. I definitely am not a lucky person. On the bright side? I shouldn't be dating. I dropped my criminal justice class, and got a job on campus.

I now will have experience at a pizza place. Not that I really wanted it... but hey, it happens.

I feel alone lately, more so than I usually do. I'm intentionally spacing myself, getting distant, and trying to hide. Tonight I remembered what I've been hiding by accidentally talking during a movie... it was... cathartic. And I hated it.

Three people hugged me. If they knew what I said was just the tip of the iceberg? Things could really be interesting.

I need to forget what I hide again, so I'm going to go do that.
-Dylan

I've had some odd feelings lately... just with needing less and less sleep to keep moving. Last night I had to use valerian to pass out, and even after that I kept walking up every hour. I wonder why I have so much trouble sleeping now? Might be an side-effect of working a night job.

I think I'm going to ask Matt P. In the BG-24news room if I can just do editing for a few more weeks and practice camera works for a while until I'm more comfortable with it. Also I've realized that all of my activities greatly limits my time, and since I'm getting a job on campus, I definitely want to be able to actually do my homework.

I have something wrong with my face. By face I mean nasal-tract, and it's uncomfortable as hell. Yesterday I just figured something was stuck, until I felt it this morning and realized that whatever illness I have expanded to both nostrils. It feels like something is expanding, and also it hurts to swallow.

I have an exam in math tonight, followed by an exam in Criminal Justice thursday.

Criminal Justice is likely the only frustration I have in classes this year. The reading for every other class I'm really enjoying. So far all CJ has is law...

Hence why being a Therapist with a private practice while teaching philosophy at a local college is appealing. That and how many therapists get shot?

Well, I'm done ranting, I'm going to sleep in another hour or so.

-D

Tonight at goth night I finally recognized a feeling I've had for a while now, perhaps since mid-summer. There's been this constant nagging feeling, a sort of warm pressure that was there but at the same time not.

It was me feeling alone.

I came to this realization, and then by the end of the night stopped feeling it, because I didn't care about it.

Funny how perspective changes things. I may be single, but I've got appeal, and I have enough friends to tide me over until I can begin a relationship. Maybe next semester, when I have time.

I'm a studio videographer for BG-24 news at 5:30 on tuesdays. This means that I operate Camera 1, on the anchors. I'm a member of Vision, and soon to be Theta Alpha Phi (The theatre fraternity, they're good people.) I, all in all, am just a busy guy.

However, I bet I can handle all this and classes... just likely no relationship.

News: School involves work. Work involves less than maximum fun. Not having optimum fun is part of life.

That's all for the news, and now the weather.

Dark. Followed by mostly dark until widely scattered light in the morning.

'Night BG!
-D

These two men are some of the Pre-Socratics. Good Philosophers, had some principles that loosely are genius, taoistic, and correct (about the physical nature of the world.)

I was called on my cell by a judge today... that was interesting. I now have 105$ in my account, and basically am done spending money until I work again.

I'm settled in, meeting new people, but I don't know how I feel... about life, about meaning... about me.

I sing happy songs to remind myself that there are reasons to smile. New friends, old friends, familiarity, uncharted territory, all those good aspects to a semester. But I'm living this one alone, at the core.

I think the world needs to feel, needs to care. At the basic component, all people and things are identical. Swirling masses of electrons, revolving around protons and neutrons. Any harm we do we do to something the same as us. The only difference is in structure, and experience. I've experienced good and bad times, thus I am the Monster and the Man. (Not respectively.)

Who knows, perhaps things really are all connected, and all matter.

Taoism says the universe is a perfect sphere, where the boarder is nowhere, and the center is everywhere. I find that poetic, but at the same time absolutely right. It would take a while to get into why I think so, and it's 4:15...

Another night of nearly no sleep for me,
-D

(I don't know how I can still move)

The deal of the tagging thing was that I was meant to post 6 semi-secrets about myself... well, okay?

1: I'm still not sure about my path in life, but I'm more confortable with this one than previous ones.
2: I don't like being alone, except on my walks, because then I need to be alone.
3: I take my walks to either sing my sorrows away (literally) or to kickstart my muse-r-cycle.
4: I never plan out much with my D&D campaigns, but come January, I will need to.
5: People can hurt me a lot easier than I let on.
6: I'm a very good liar. But I only lie when people ask me how I'm doing/feeling lately. Nothing else needs me to.

now I need to tag peoples... I forget how many so... Brett, Bryan, Tolk, Kat, Martin, and Patti.

My first week is going well, I'm ahead in my reading, and my exercises are more regular now. Infact everything is regulated. It's nice. I went to goth night last night and didn't really make any new friends per se... but I did say hi to old ones and give one a way to get in touch with me. (Though I still don't know how that'll go...)

I've had a few "Shared Moments" much like in Chasing Amy, which is a jolly little amusing story for another day, or not at all.

I still have a lot of unanswered questions and a lot of repairing to do before I can place myself back "in the game." However, until then I'm still able to go anywhere and know someone, so I'm still a social guru.

Anyway, D&D happens tomorrow, it'll be nice. I hope goth night didn't kill my voice, I wanted to sing today too... and I had a song picked out and all. *growls at smoke.*

I'm done ramblin' I need to get ready for my 11:30,
-D

I've been on the floor of my room, on nothing but a thin feather comforter (that I use for warmth halfway through the night anyway) all week. My spine HATES me, but I will keep true to my idiotic gentlemanly notions and let Kelli have the bed. Aside from that I'm starting the grand laundry/packing escapade. I move in on Sunday. Thank the gods!

I love my family and my home... but my mother is clingy and my brother complains too much. I'd like to be able to say goodbye to Lakewood for an extended period of time, but the reality of it may be that I have to come back again. Steve at Target offered to suggest me for Team Lead if I'm back next summer, a promotion so soon... well what can I say? I rock.

Actually I was only faster because I cheated, I went around rules of personal safety that they want us to employ to get the job done. I guess it's not the best way, but Steve didn't mind (except that time I almost got caught by the Manager...)

So, I've kept up with Chokeworld for a few weeks now, a little late in some cases but I've still been posting. The Fantasy Effect has hit 36 pages, and Caffienomancer is lagging behind at 16, but I need to have tea in a nice coffee shop to inspire me to keep working on that one.

Who knows, perhaps I might meet someone new and interesting at a coffee shop? It would be nice to make a new friend, there's something pleasant about learning about a new person.

Until then, I'll keep writing, singing, dancing, and enjoying my inner thoughts.
-The Philosopher.

Post-Posting: Tonight I go to Bounce with Matt for his first time there. Should be fun, I haven't been out dancing for the sake of dancing in a long time, and after working out this summer and biking 6 miles a day, 5 days a week? I feel really confident about my physique. (That and with my new haircut? I have plenty of reason to believe that I'll be well recieved at Bounce.)

(By the way Bounce is in fact a gay bar/dance club, but like all gay bars/dance clubs, there will be one or two straight people with gay friends.)